Why maintaining an erection is so difficult, even in your 20s and 30s?

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eridim

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I was a top only for good part of my 20s and could go for hours. My record was 4 hours of penetration with only breaks for drinking water and peeing. No drugs, alcohol or pills, all just me and with a condom on. But generally sessions of 1 hour of penetration weren't a big deal for me.

Towards the end of my 20s and now my early 30s I can barely keep an erection to top, but I also discovered how to bottom and enjoy it. I've been thinking something is wrong with me and I might have some form of ED, but through bottoming I realized keeping an erection past 10-15 min. of penetration only is actually the exception, not the norm. I've bottomed for lots of guys from hookups lately and I'd say only about 2 out of 10 can keep an erection without drugs for more than 15 min. of penetration only.

It has to do with arousal and exhaustion for sure, but it's helped me feel a bit more at ease with myself.

Common positions in porn are also affecting negatively keeping an erection. For example the guy lying on the bed with his cock up and me on top of him (facing him or in reverse), or sitting on him while he's sitting on a chair or a couch. Other positions make it easier to keep an erection, like doggy or missionary, probably because it's easier for blood to flow there.

I've noticed this with a lot of guys, their cock would go soft after a few minutes of exercise and we'd finish off ourselves. I've noticed also a big shift towards bareback sex because of the difficulty to keep an erection. I've heard countless times that guys don't want to use condoms because their cock goes soft immediately. I've even called off sex encounters because they wanted to fuck bareback.

If a cock going soft happened once or twice I'd say it was bad luck or there was no chemistry, but there's a pattern and I believe it has to do with porn and society accepting as normal an erection that lasts more than 15 min when that's actually the exception.

What do you think, what aconcerns have you had with your own erections?
 
You’ve not mentioned your overall health, exercise routine, weight or smoking habits but my first reaction is to say - if you are concerned with your erection, then go and see a Doctor.

You may have an undiagnosed disease which needs treatment.

Having said that - I am 20 years older than you - and erections can be about 70% relied on.

I can be super into the guy and my little fella just doesn’t want to play, or I can be slightly interested in the guy and my bone is rock hard for a 45 minute pounding.

Sometimes, the slightest thought can make me go soft. Do you think that the anxiety of possibly losing your erection could trigger it?

There are treatments out there which can help as you get older - but I don’t think you need those yet.
 
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Good point! I've intertwined two topics and should have been more clear. One is about my own ability to keep an erection. The second is my observation of other guys' ability to keep an erection.

To answer your question, I'm super healthy, excellent BMI, train 4-5 times a week in the gym, eat extremely healthy and take no drugs, tobacco or alcohol. My issues are definitely mind related, maybe anxiety or some seasonal depression. I certainly need to be more around my friends and move to a sunnier country, as that's the context I came from when I was riding my power top wave.

But my point about erections was about how common it seems to be in younger guys that erections are hard to maintain. As a top only I couldn't see these things because I didn't care about the bottom's dick, but he cared about mine being hard. Seeing it from a bottom's perspective gave me evidence about how common it is that erections don't last for too long and that's normal.
 
I have had issues with mine for years .. due to anxiety/depression meds as far back as I can remember..

They’d don’t work too well because I didn’t take them as needed .. no way I was going to not have sex

First thing I would do is.. if having any issues with depression or anxiety .. get it checked out .. there’s drugs out there now that don’t cause erection issues.. but sometimes issues where take longer to cum/get off …

But mental issues and even high blood pressure and low blood pressure can contribute to erection issues.. that’s what Viagra does is take care of blood pressure issues ..
 
I am a bottom so for most part when erect it’s to jerk off or get sucked off..
but 99 percent out of. 100 I’d go limp soon as cock went inside me for few minutes then my cock would be twice as hard than it was before getting penetrated .. ..

Some guys would think I didn’t like them fucking me but after I got hard again they saw I was definitely into it

But do few things first .. just get blood pressure checked .. or get a test machine at home check it 3 times a day see if it’s good

Then get hard horny excited then check it see if it’s up or down
 
Not to go all tinfoil hat, but I believe more and more everyday there is "something in the water" that is either causing so much ED amongst men, or this is just a period in history where we're all talking about it finally and starting to realize there may have been a problem all along
Because honestly I don't get it, my erections, beyond attaining more control over the yrs are the same as when I was 18, literally(now 40). I could attribute it to lifestyle, I have always maintained an active and athletic pace, but I have also dabbled in the alcohol/drug genre with no ill effects. The only times my erections aren't standard, are when I'm sick with cold/flu, or during a refractory period.
A trend Ive noticed is that penile issues seem to be delineated based on sexuality for men, in that most times I hear it from exclusively straight men, there's usually an obvious, and general health/lifestyle component to the problem, drinks too much, not enough sleep, on drugs, overworked, over stressed, but it seems to just pop up more randomly amongst the bi/gay crowd, definitely not suggesting this is the case, but it almost seems as if the homoerotic component(s) of their sex lives are as contributory to their erectile (dys)function, as lifestyle and health choices would be on their own.
To be totally fair it also seems lesbians are much more prone to fall into (amicable) sexual dysfunction than straight women in much the same way...
 
Sagittarius84 said:
Not to go all tinfoil hat, but I believe more and more everyday there is "something in the water" that is either causing so much ED amongst men, or this is just a period in history where we're all talking about it finally and starting to realize there may have been a problem all along
Because honestly I don't get it, my erections, beyond attaining more control over the yrs are the same as when I was 18, literally(now 40). I could attribute it to lifestyle, I have always maintained an active and athletic pace, but I have also dabbled in the alcohol/drug genre with no ill effects. The only times my erections aren't standard, are when I'm sick with cold/flu, or during a refractory period.
A trend Ive noticed is that penile issues seem to be delineated based on sexuality for men, in that most times I hear it from exclusively straight men, there's usually an obvious, and general health/lifestyle component to the problem, drinks too much, not enough sleep, on drugs, overworked, over stressed, but it seems to just pop up more randomly amongst the bi/gay crowd, definitely not suggesting this is the case, but it almost seems as if the homoerotic component(s) of their sex lives are as contributory to their erectile (dys)function, as lifestyle and health choices would be on their own.
To be totally fair it also seems lesbians are much more prone to fall into (amicable) sexual dysfunction than straight women in much the same way...
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I have trouble understanding what you're trying to say. I see you identify as 100% straight and you say your erections now at 40 are as strong as when you were 18. Can you elaborate what that means?

At the same time, you mention you notice people either suffer more from ED or talk more about it. Do you have examples that make you think that?

You say the lifestyle of gays can be causing ED the same way as un unhealthy lifestyle does for straights. What lifestyle have you noticed in gays that makes you think that?

Can you elaborate more on your points, as they seem very disconnected and I genuinely wanna know the point you are trying to make.

Regarding your erections, how long do you maintain them for, once you start penetration?
 
I don’t care who you are .. you may not had any issues with erections at this point in your lives .. sooner or later you will. It’s just a part of life


These days and ages you see guys in porn.. straight and gay alike .. having something inside them to stimulate the prostate therefore helps on the erection issues ..

I knew a friend that had issues from the beginning of keeping erections… and one day he visits and talks to me about it.. he is 20 years old at this time.. of course I used .. maybe it’s a girl sucking his cock and not a man and he’s hiding the fact he was gay as his family was highly religious to the point I wasn’t even allowed to visit him or even call ..

He’d stay hard for few then go limp and after few minutes he’d get hard again.. so I just kept on doing things from rimming his ass and fingering it. .. as my finger was all the way inside his hole he was hard as a brick.. .. and I sucked him off and he came so much and his body trembling a little as he did..


He couldn’t believe it.. so now we had to work on this to get him to stay erect .. and I told him about anal plugs and I went to the toy store and picked out couple for him to try .. ..

The second one he tried was perfect as it was thicker in the middle so stimulate his prostate more ..

Things were great.. but then he had to find a woman or women that would t think he was gay because only way he could get hard was something in his ass ..

I’m not saying this is your solution .. but each person has issues that be dealt with one way or another

That’s why bloodwork/ blood pressure needs to be monitored for few weeks to see if things are ok..

Low blood pressure can cause it as the body is already having enough to do because of low blood pressure ..
 
eridim said:
I have trouble understanding what you're trying to say. I see you identify as 100% straight and you say your erections now at 40 are as strong as when you were 18. Can you elaborate what that means?
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It means boners for me are just as common and persistent as they tend to be stereotypically during the late teenage yrs.
eridim said:
At the same time, you mention you notice people either suffer more from ED or talk more about it. Do you have examples that make you think that?
Click to expand...
This forum, most news articles, various stats and studies I come across...it seems that erectile dysfunction is a very ubiquitous issue.
eridim said:
You say the lifestyle of gays can be causing ED the same way as un unhealthy lifestyle does for straights. What lifestyle have you noticed in gays that makes you think that?
Click to expand...
I never said the lifestyle of gays is the issue, nor made any attempt at establishing causation. I just noticed that when straight men are complaining about their dick not working there's usually a glaringly obvious health or mental issue at play, while a lot of gay or bi men, perhaps more invested in maintenance of physical and mental health in comparison to straight men, seem to have similar dick issues with no obvious issues at play. I also likened it to the sexual dysfunction highly common to lesbian couples, which persists despite the purportedly better sex lives due to the absence of male ineptitude.
If there were any appropriate parallel it'd be like what happens to healthy legs when you opt to walk on crutches, almost like the biological processes of sex atrophy because the original equipment isn't being used as explicitly designed
eridim said:
Regarding your erections, how long do you maintain them for, once you start penetration
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...until I'm in a post ejaculation, refractory period, usually. That is to say I don't nor(outside of being sick) have I ever had to "maintain" an erection post penetration, it just is until I don't need it anymore and it's a fairly good bet it'll last beyond that point as well.
 
Sometimes it's pelvic floor issues - be it too tight or loose. If some of the muscles are too tight it can make it difficult to get and keep an erection (since muscles run alongside the entire thing. Sometimes it's actually reverse kegals that are needed. There's such a thing as pelvic floor physical therapy that can be very helpful with these issues.
 
On average testosterone peaks at age 27 in males and begins a long, slow decline.

By age 28 the human cardiovascular system has lost half of its efficiency compared to its peak in youth.

Most pro athletes are washed up by age 35 - replaced by younger, fitter men. Athletes work hard to extend their careers as long as possible. Older guys join the senior tour.

By age 30 almost everyone has their first gray hairs.

Welcome to middle age! :cool:

Exercise is the fountain of youth. Stay fit. Don't use tobacco or party too much. Don't be overweight. And as always life begins with a good night's sleep. :)

Remember that males of our species are not required to have erections for hours to successfully procreate. Most species take seconds to mate, not minutes or hours.
 
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Even in my younger days I wasnt able to last longer than 15 min or so, even less if it was nonstop action. I don’t think sex necessarily needs to be longer than that, means you had a good time.

Porn had taught us that sessions should be way longer than that, but they use all kinds of medications and movie magic to get that result
 
halcyondays said:
On average testosterone peaks at age 27 in males and begins a long, slow decline.

By age 28 the human cardiovascular system has lost half of its efficiency compared to its peak in youth.

Most pro athletes are washed up by age 35 - replaced by younger, fitter men. Athletes work hard to extend their careers as long as possible. Older guys join the senior tour.

By age 30 almost everyone has their first gray hairs.

Welcome to middle age! :cool:

Exercise is the fountain of youth. Stay fit. Don't use tobacco or party too much. Don't be overweight. And as always life begins with a good night's sleep. :)

Remember that males of our species are not required to have erections for hours to successfully procreate. Most species take seconds to mate, not minutes or hours.
Click to expand...
Biologist weighing in for a second here: comparing the sexual behaviour of our animal species to most other animals goes awry because in our species, sex has a social function. We are evolved to have sex frequently, throughout the year, and unlike other animals, we don’t have a baculum (penis bone).
There are hypotheses that erections in our animal species had functions beyond sex, more in the social appeasement and bonding sphere.

The bit in red is of course 100% accurate, but we should also bear in mind that beyond that, our overall life habits aren’t exactly penis-friendly. From the late 1800s, there has been a significant and pervasive effort to control and suppress human, and in particular male sexuality. Not just by all sorts of methods to discourage or hamper masturbation (either by misinfomation or even mutilation), but boys are also taught to control and suppress their erections, and by immobilising the genitalia, positive tactile feedback is minimised (ie, men are made unaware of their genitals)

If you persistently ‘suppress’ your sexuality during any time except sex, it is no small wonder that its performance will be less than optimal.

It’s anecdotal and I am thoroughly aware of that but I happen to know 2 guys whose sexuality was never suppressed in any way, never shamed for or told off for erections and such and both still get hard at the drop of a hat. In fact they get hard so often that I genuinely wonder whether this is ‘how it was “designed” to be’, ie they are normal and the rest is abnormal.
This is actually backed-up by anthropological observations of tribes where the concept ‘shame’ does not exist.
 
Much is in the mind, it happens once and then the next time you worry it will happen again. It happened to me when I was in my sixties, a cute little number would come over for some fun and a good fucking and I never failed to get hard, last the course and fill, his hole with cum. Then one afternoon I just couldn't get it up, not even a bit and so my fuck was about to be disappointed - till I bottomed for him. It happened the next time and the time after so that I began to think that's it, but, a visit to the doc, some little blue pills and I was soon fucking rampant, my little number was happy with the extra hardness. And so my problem was solved, and the day came when I was filling his ass when I remembered I'd forgotten to take a tab - and touch wood, I don't need them now.
Mind over matter, don't think of it as problem.
 
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